What happened on May 19th, 2019 was not something I was seeking, in fact I had no knowledge whatsoever of Kundalini at that time.
It started out as an ordinary day, but soon became extraordinary, and by lunch time I knew without a shadow of a doubt there is a beautiful, powerful force within each of us.
Looking back, I can see the process of my ‘awakening’ had started many months, maybe even years before that day, and how many of my life experiences were all leading up to that point.
The sixteen months spent in Australia, New Zealand and South East Asia were definitely part of the catalyst, so many wow moments, so many awesome places, people and experiences along the way. It wasn’t all plain sailing, but I wasn’t doing the 9-5 like so many stuck on life’s hamster wheel; I had taken the time to get off, and the joy of that was life changing.
Coming back to the UK in July 2018 was a shock to the system, I felt sad in some respects that normal life would resume. I was on the other hand, excited to be back in the UK, to buy a new house, go to festivals, get out with friends and enjoy all that life offers. I had a new appreciation for the country I was born in; its history, culture, nature, wild life, festivals, theatre and Europe just a stone’s throw away.
Was it my joy for life? The excitement of a new start? The wow moments from my travels?
On reflection, I think my journey to a more spiritual life was a culmination of all those things and a lot more; and I guess it was just my time to ‘wake up’.
Soon after my return to the UK I watched The Secret, I had seen it before, but this time it had a different impact, it led me to question things I had never questioned before. I started to research different spiritual topics and one person on YouTube led to another. I read so many books and found that I rarely watched TV anymore, I was so eager and excited to learn more. I was stunned how at nearly 50 I had never really questioned these concepts beyond a surface level, if at all.
One of my friends had immersed herself into a spiritual life in the time I had been away, and it soon became evident, after my return to the UK, we were on a similar path. This enabled us to talk for hours about various mystical and spiritual topics, to share knowledge and learn from each other.
Another friend of mine, who I met soon after my return to the UK, was on the ‘path’. We had many conversations, and he had this innate ability to ask the right questions, to enable me to look at my past in a way that I had never done before. He opened Pandora’s box for me, in a good way, and I started to see how aspects of my past had really impacted my life. Our conversations helped me to dig deeper into my past relationships and to identify some of my limiting beliefs. I had so many epiphany moments in such a short time, and I could feel the subtle change within.
In the weeks before ‘it’ happened, there were several peculiarities I couldn’t explain rationally at the time.
The first peculiarity was my sensitivity to negativity, it was off the charts, but I had no idea why.
It occurred to me that so many people were still repeating the same stories, the same woes and they were so immersed in life’s drama, but instead of being sympathetic and compassionate which was my usual stance, I couldn’t handle any of it and found it increasingly difficult to be around people. I was sensitive to everything so I avoided human interaction as much as possible, and stopped listening to or reading the news.
The second peculiarity was the vivid dreams.
I was astounded by the detail, clarity and colours within them, something I had rarely experienced in the past. I recall concepts in my dreams like teleporting, and dreams within a dream. I dreamt of being in fantastical lands that were definitely not Earth; all very peculiar. My dreams were definitely becoming extraordinary and I had a sense that somehow they were significant.
Another thing was the bees!
It usually happened as I was going to bed, I must have paced every section of the bedroom, listening to the wall to see if it was next door or outside the window but I got nothing, I couldn't identify where the sound of bees was coming from. It later became apparent it was a Kundalini phenomena, but at the time I thought I was going a little mad.
On Sunday 19th May 2019, I decided I was going to try meditation, it was a natural progression to my spiritual journey and something I felt I should do or try to do. I didn’t have too many expectations.
I watched an ‘Idiots Guide to Meditation’ on YouTube and set an alarm for 20 minutes; I was determined to give it a good go.
I sat on the floor, eyes closed, in a meditation pose, I focused on my breath going in and out and waited for my first thought to arrive, so I could let it go (that’s what the Idiots Guide said I should do). My first thought was…there are no thoughts, and then it happened...
I started to feel a lot of heat in the area I now know to be my root chakra and as it grew with intensity it started to stir in a circular motion inside and with it came intense sexual energy.
The intensity and heat of the energy grew rapidly and was so extreme I was forced to breath in a certain way; with each deep breath the force inside spun faster and faster in a circular motion, the energy continued to build until it was so powerful, it erupted and shot through my body like a volcano.
After the eruption it felt like every cell in my body had been given new life, and the sensations within were immense, sheer ecstasy, lots of buzzing, vibrating, tingling and bliss, there are no words to describe and capture the true essence of everything I felt.
I have no idea how many times this happened, as I was lost in the process; the heat and energy would build again, spinning rapidly like a vortex in the root chakra, and then releasing the sexual energy upwards in an explosion into my head, filling it to capacity and beyond, and shooting a myriad of indescribable sensations to every millimetre of my body; legs, feet, arms, hands, torso, neck and head.
Whatever it was, it had full control of my body!
I was forced to breath deeply and slowly sometimes, and other times rapidly. My arms randomly moved above my head on occasions and my whole body was vibrating, or shaking, or being moved from side to side, or in circular motions. There were phases of pure, ecstatic bliss, like nothing I had ever felt before, it was a powerful experience and I just went with it.
My alarm went off after 20 minutes, which startled me and brought me back to awareness of my surroundings. I sat for a long time afterwards still feeling a multitude of sensations.
Eventually the bodily sensations reduced, though I am still waiting for them to go back to 'normal'. Every day seems to produce a different phenomena, as the energy moves throughout my body.
I didn't have a clue what had happened, but I knew it was something extraordinary.
Looking back, I am surprised fear never came, but it didn’t. I wasn't scared at all, though given the enormity of it, I probably should have been. I had an inner knowing it was something immensely powerful, which I needed to allow, rather than resist.
As soon as I had full composure of my body, I called a friend. Fortunately for me, she had recently met someone who had talked about a Kundalini Awakening, so she knew a little about it and was certain that’s what had happened to me.
I had never heard of Kundalini Awakening, I didn’t even know what a chakra was at that time.
This unleashed a whole new level of learning to enable me to try and understand. After a google search I concluded that she was right; it is what happened to me, my Kundalini energy was no longer dormant, it had been activated in every cell of my body.
It was then I experienced fear, there was so much negativity around Kundalini and how it can cause many debilitating physical, emotional and psychological issues if it’s not released properly and under the guidance of a trained guru/guide.
I discovered it's something people strive to achieve their whole lives with strict regimes, diets, fasting and meditation for hours every day. Mine had been spontaneous.
Whilst I could find information on possible reasons for a spontaneous Kundalini awakening, I couldn’t find any information that explained why mine had erupted on its own; there were no psychedelic drugs, no extreme yoga or meditation practise, nor any major grief or trauma…that had happened back in 2012.
My only conclusion was that maybe 2012 was the start of it, as that was when my life fell apart in every way possible; relationship, health, home and job, everything changed.
I recall having strange sensations in my head when I was in hospital in 2012, after an operation, and for years afterwards. The doctors could not explain what it was, possibly because I was having trouble describing how it felt. It was not a dizziness as such, but a strange sensation all over my head.
Now that I know what it feels like to have energy inside my head, I am certain that’s what it was. Maybe the K energy has been slowly making the subtle changes since then, to allow the process to unravel with full force on May 19th.
But what is the purpose of it? Why me? How am I going to manage this? What do I do now?
I had so many questions and whilst Google was able to help to a degree it couldn’t answer everything.
I learned that Kundalini is the name used in the Hindu tradition, to describe the life force energy that lies at the base of the spine in all of us until it's activated.
It's a concept that has been well known for many thousands of years and has many other names, for example, the Tibetan Buddhists call it ‘Tummo’ or ‘inner fire’, the Japanese call it ‘Ki’, the Chinese ‘chi’ and in Christianity it is known as the ‘ Holy Spirit’.
I decided to stick with the term Kundalini, not for religious reason but because most of the available information uses that name too.
I learned that Kundalini’s role, once activated and released, is to clear layer after layer of past trauma and karma, to purify and transform the person/soul on all levels; physical, mental, emotional, psychic and spiritual. This can take years or even lifetimes apparently.
The purpose is to enable a greater flow of universal energy, higher states of consciousness and eventually enlightenment /self realisation:
The knowing and feeling that we are not a separate self, but instead an individualised portion of the one universal consciousness (aka Source energy or God)
I am not sure I understood much of what I read at the time, especially as most of it, to be honest, seemed too unbelievable. It took much more research and was many months afterwards before I started to begin to understand this life changing process.
I did understand there is no going back, the process cannot be stopped once its unleashed.
Living with the force of Kundalini Energy is my life now, for the rest of my life, whether I like it or not.
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